Shaadi ke Laddoo

Giving advice to others on every area of concern is the favorite pastime we have. More than being Argumentative Indians, we are born to acquire the habit of giving free advices to one and all. Even un-solicited. I guess you will agree with me on that. If not, just mention to a gathering of friends that you are getting flatulence these days. You will suddenly find a bunch of friends getting transformed into an Advisory Council.

In early days after joining the Bank, we had a friend who was always in two minds if not more. For every matter related to official work or personal, he would seek advice from all and sundry. Not a big problem as many a folks are made like that. The irritating point was that after listening to everyone's advice in the matter, he would do exactly the same which he had originally thought to do.

As we all used to have lunch together, life for others became hell as he was getting a matrimonial offer a day and would seek our views on its prospects. Irrespective of the opinions expressed by us he would invariably go to "see" the girl arranged at her house, have lavish dinner and then move on to the next one. As he was a bit junior amongst us, we used to thrash him for this but he would always find some fault in the girl's family if not in the girl herself.

Over office lunch one day, when we asked him about last such "seeing" the girl, he retorted "she is ok otherwise but too petite and fragile". One of us then gave him a free advice that if your preference is for tough type who can handle situations in life then you might as well get married to a widow. Everyone else started endorsing this view. For the next few days we all piled up on him with the advice of getting married to a widow. Cogent reasons were promulgated from far corners of our fertile mind, counting the advantages of getting married to a widow. Some of the very reasonably sounding logical inferences, i am able to recall, were as follows:

· When you marry a widow, honeymoon destination will be of your choice.

· You will not be responsible for shattering the girl's romantic illusions. Realisation must have already dawned upon her after the first marriage that life is not all about holding hand in hand. There is more to it like all the household chores and haggling with the vegetable vendor.

· By marrying a widow considering that you have already proved the point that "past is past and over", she will never question about your past adventures.

· No bloodshed on the first night. No pain; all pleasure. No qualms. No coy pretensions.

· Virgin couples on marriage learn most of the secrets the hard way through trial & error and experimentations. In the process, the "best" days are un-necessarily wasted. In the suggested circumstances, you get a learned teacher to instantly educate you all the tricks of the trade to mutual satisfaction.

· If you get 1 or 2 children with the wife, it is a big bonus. With infant phase over, there is no  midnight cries, no change of diapers at night. Boiling water for making milk and then washing the bottle. You can sleep tight through the night.

· Also you really don’t have to bother for the expenses on diapers, expensive baby food concoctions, baby cot, pram or walker and things like that.

· You are saved from the frequent visits to the gynic for prenatal consultations and the related expenses as also the fat delivery charges bill from the Hospital. 

· If the girl is working type, (most of them are these days) the is no issue of maternity leave. This means uninterrupted "service".  

· In case the step-son turns out to be "success" in any field, after growing up, make tall claims about your spending quality time with the family, disciplined upbringing and training methods. Take full credit. This also holds good in the area of sports, fine arts etc etc.

· If he establishes himself as a nincompoop, you are free to put the entire blame squarely on the genetic factors of his original paternity. You knew it from the beginning and never really had high expectations.

· When someone's biological son grows up and the dad becomes defunct, the "kick in the ass" from the son with the traditional slogan "its my life", is a real heartbreak. All the deeds of the lifetime starts appearing to be futile. When the same kick is perpetrated by the step son, you have a convincing consolation; What else could one expect from that son of a bastard!

· Even if in principle you are an anti-dowry campaigner, the prospects are relatively more promising. In addition to the originals she got in her first marriage, she must have gathered her late hubby's possessions. If you are lucky, you can get a furnished 3BHK to reside without rent or atleast a Vespa scooter.

· In cricket and marriage, mistakes of the 1st innings are generally not repeated in the second. This means less tantrums from the wife and less frequesnt visits by the mother-in-law.

 

He was not eventually convinced as expected. Remained confused in two (dozen) minds as always. Remained a bachelor for next three years or so, while i was transferred from the office. I later heard he has been married to the daughter of a prominent IG Police. Later i also heard that the couple is living happily thereafter as he is completely cured of his two mind oscillation. Now he is not required to apply his mind altogether.

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