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Here I Come !

Over the last decade or so, i have been pondering as to why writing should remain the exclusive domain of the laureates alone? Why can't common people write what they feel like? So what if my command over the language is not as good as Sommerset Maugham? Who cares if i am not as good a storey teller as Prem Chand. So what if my thoughts are not as profound as Swami Vivekanand  and Aldus Huxley? What if my attempted humorous situations cant compare with PGW? What the fuss. I still have a right to write!. I have decided to write. Of course I can write. I will write I think. I should. I must.

So here i come!

Preface

If you go to Google Search, select “image”, type “Ejaz Hussain” and then press  Enter, thousands of thumbnails will appear on the screen. Well! Actually none of them is mine. Honestly speaking I am not a celebrity - nor am I likely to be. If i dont figure in Google image search, am I a non-entity?. or do not exist?. Does it mean I have no business to write?. without repeating jokes being received through SMSs these days, i have vowed to record some honest expressions on paper. For writing,  you dont really need a pen and paper these days. Blogs are there absolutely for free.  

I usually think in my mother tongue. At times when I am agitated, I start thinking in English. Or may be it depends on the person with whom I am interacting in my thoughts. But I never think in French or Russian language. Because I do not know even the basics of these two languages. In other words I  can think only about those things which I have seen, heard or read or experienced in any of the forms. I can imagine having a romantic date with Sushmita Sen. I can even have my own licentious fantasies with unknown figures. But I cannot think/ dream/ fantacise about a thing which has not existed in the environment of my brain before. The mind has to be taught beforehand through some form or the other. It has to come from instinct or acquired from surroundings. Seems difficult to explain. Hope you understand.

I have selected the word “Commonplace” to confuse the reader. Not that I am doubting my reader’s literary capabilities, my guess is that a good  95% of them wouldn’t be able to guess the exact meaning of this word. I myself didn’t know about it even after spending half a century.  The word “commonplace” is not a commonly used  word these days. It has nothing to do with either "common" or "place". The best solution is to see a dictionary, for yourself. My handy PC dictionary cleared all doubts I had regarding the meaning of this innocuous word. Here is a cut and paste.

Noun:

1.      A trite or obvious remark

Now I hope you know the meaning of trite.

Read on!. Go WOW!!

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PS: (15.01.2014) After having written a couple of filthy pieces, i am thinking i should have named this blog title "Un-Commonplace". Late realisation.

 

Coming Soon!

Under Construction.

Under Construction 4

Coming Soon !!!!

Under Construction3

Coming Soon

Under Construction2

Coming Soon !!!

Gupt Gyan

A movie came by the same name (Gupt Gyan) way back in 1969 when i was still in school. It was publicised as "First Indian Movie on Sex Education". Obviously it was granted "A" certificate by the Censor Board. Besides the dubious title, the "A" Certificate was good enough reason for all curious type underaged boys have a  "must see" resolve. For me it was the biggest dissappointment ever. There was nothin in it which the young boys were then so eager to see. All it showed was sketches of male/female reproductive system which most of us already seen in the medical books. The rest of the movie was all about veneral diseases of all types that people could catch with unsafe sex (AIDS was not then prevalent). The movie showed such horrific pictures of affected patients (worst than aliens- in advanced stage of infection) that viewers after watching the movie, took months to recover   from erectile dysdfunction. Adolescent boys almost gave up all"bad habbits" for a few weeks before nature could prevail upon them. It was a real Horror Movie.

 The movie made with a few thousand rupees did astounding business all over. The primary reason for that was that till that point of time, there was absolute dearth of source on sex education. The main source of information was gossiping friends who would add a few punches to the distorted gyan they had gathered from their close friends, to make further spreadworthy. The books were mostly pondies which was all hardcore and did not contain any gyan. On the footpath was sold "Kashmiri kok/prem Shastra in Hindi wrapped in yellow celophane which which was meant to give only shocks to the reader and nothing else. At that juncture the boys were mostly concerned about the bad habbit of masterbation. With all such sources combined together 99% of the boys were fed with "knowledge like this:

·each drop of male sperm is made of 80 drops of blood.

·Total abstinance leads to immense mind power - arising out of the age old wisdom of Brahamcharya.

·If a boy shags too often,he is likely to go mad.

·Shagging lead to sunken cheeks, weight loss, knee pain insomnia etc etc.

·female to female physical intimacy results in a piece of flesh born after 9 months.

·If a boy is able to plant a clove in the private part of the girl without her knowledge, the girl will not be able to resist hin thereafter.

·Some females cannot resist the odor of male urine.

With this kind of mindset in the background, while the boys did not abstain from shagging, the act was marred with heavy guilt that itself was almost killing 

The sceptical ones trried to put forward the argument that id ejaculation could be so deadly then all married men would be undergoing blood transfusion if not already dead. In the defence of the myth the knowledgable types fabricated a theory the in case of prper sex with a woman, there is "give and take" of "Energy" and only when it come to solo performance, where there is no "taking of energy, the harmful effects are applicable. Seemed convincing at that point of time.

Lib (Under Construction)

Liberation broadly means the act or process of trying to achieve equal rights and status.as whomsoever  it is being aimed  at. LTTE movement in Lanka was aiming at equal status of Tamils  as the Lankans. Women’s liberation looks up for equal rights as men have bestowed upon themselves. This was natural course of development .  in the background of suppression of women over millennium of years across the globe. If you are under the false impression that discriminatory customs were prevalent only in the east, you should read “fact of the matter” capsule in The times of India as religiously as its Page 3. Here are a few interesting glimpses:

A volunteer of a women’s upliftment group recently went to Afghanistan to study whether the status of women there has undergone any improvement after the American Invasion and removal of hardliners. As she was moving through a village, she was pleasantly astonished to observe that while moving around in the fields, the wife was always walking  a few steps ahead of the husband. This was a remarkable improvement over the practice a decade ago when they was invariably walking a few steps behind the husband to denote who is the VIP and in charge.

“Wow” She said to the guide. “when did this happen?”

“Nothing has changed madam” the guide retorted proudly. The Talibaans have planted underground bomb mines everywhere as they left so due care is taken by the man to ensure that he doesn’t step on  one of them.”

Well apart from the jokes, things have largely changed in recent times. Constitution of most democracies have given equal right (well almost) for both sexes. Any act of discrimination is punishable. With the times, the mindset of the male has also changed. Education of the women has played a vital role in changing the mentalities. It is no more safe to even utter a derogatory remark against women folks; The implementation of such laws and local practices may still be requiring a lot of further reforms which I am sure will go with the time the way the media is chasing them.

My subject matter of this blog posting is not the suppressed pathetic status of women in India or some of the so called Islamic countries. Many organized agencies are involved already in representing their case. I am venturing into lessor known territory of those women who are considered “liberated already meaning therby that they are in full charge of their lives and can act as they wish. This means they have already attained financial independence and intellectual freedom. I don’t have the numbers but I guess their population is already very large in the west as also in India

Since the dawn if civilization, initially the respective roles of men and women in the society was clearly demarcated. Men were to hunt (later farming) requiring physical stamina and thus provide the sustenance for the family. The females were supposed to cook, barter the farm produce, rear the children and do other household chores.

Note: Due to this age long practice, men are less talkative and not so good  in multi-tasking coz they required full concentration on the prey for hunting and not making any sound (talking) to get the attention of the hunted. On the other hand, women folk, for effective barter results, had to do a lot of socializing with other women  and therefore have descended as talkative gregarious beings. Even today a lady while knitting the sweater

·       Why there has been no woman Presidint in USA even after two centuries.

·       Not only the prize money of Grand Slam Champion is not the same for men and women, the trophy for men is always more impressive and decoration worthy. A large silver cup against a medium sized silver plate? Is is because their game is over in 3 sets?

·       In every official form to be filled in a woman is required to mention her husbands name and not vice versa

·       After Marriage, the woman inherits the surname of her husband and not vice versa. This is still the rule across the globe. Hillary Rodham survived for many years before she decided to go for the polls. My wife is the only exception I know of as of now.

·       Though cooking is considered to be the exclusive forte of women, why the main chefs at 5 star hotel everywhere are mostly men?. 

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My Combination Theory (Under Repair)

Q: Which is the most necessary item of consumption for human survival ?

A: Air. (without it we cannot remain alive for more than a very few minutes)

The easiest method of explaining my combination theory is by way of example of air. The most abundant material on the surface of earth. The ordinary (non-polluted) air is a mixture of a few gases namely Oxygen, Nitrogen, Hydrogen, Carbon dioxide as the dominant ones mixed with a few insignificant others.

The theory is pretty simple.

Illegal Advisor

                                     Legal corner:

I seldom miss a chance to read the column in any magazine in which readers do ask questions being answered by so called  (s)experts. Some of them are quite revealing. I rarely pay much attention to similar Q&A columns dealing with legal issues. They are replete with matters related to property dispute within the family or divorce laws of different communities. Not interested.

Once, however I read a short narration of a woman who was seeking legal advice. This short anecdote has had an overwhelming impact on my psyche and whenever I narrate this story to anyone I get a lump in my throat  and my voice somehow gets choked.

This lady after her husband’s early death, had brought up her only son with great difficulties. She just had a house left by the husband in a prime locality. Somehow she managed the two ends meet and gave best of education to her son who eventually went to America. There he got married to a firangin and soon had a son. The lady was left all alone but was still contended that she had done her bit.

After some gap the son calls and tells her that he is well settled now and wants to take her along to America so that all of them could live together. The proposal was like offering eyesight to a blind man. The son came to India and said that as there will be no one behind, the house has to be disposed off. The lady was  initially not inclined to this idea for sentimental reasons but eventually rationalised that as she has to live with her son and the grandchild happily ever after, there was hardly any rationale for holding on to this structure of brick and mortar. The house was sold off for substantial price. Within no time, travelers cheque, Bank draft, visa and air ticket  everything was arranged.

Eventually they left for the airport.  Their flight was reportedly delayed by couple of hours. The son took all the documents  and went for the check-in asking his mother to wait in the lounge till his return. After waiting for a nearly 3 hours when the mother got worried and enquired, she was told that the Pan-Am flight to US had left as per the schedule an hour- and-a- half  back. Her son’s name was there in the ticked passengers list. Her own name did not figure in the reservation list of that flight, altogether.

In that magazine the lady was seeking expert’s advise if there is any legal remedy available to her woes. Beyond this I couldn’t read what the  legal expert had to offer her as advice. In all probability no legal recourse would be available because the makers of the “law” might never have visualized this kind of a situation.

My own personal advice to her is rather straight forward – “Shoot the bastard”.

On second thoughts, this humble piece of advice seems to be slightly impractical on two counts

       (i)  she is left with no money to  reach USA or even buy a murder weapon to implement it.

       (ii) even if opportunity is provided to her to accomplish the mission, she is likely to ditch me at the last moment.

        There is a good probability that she will get upset with me over calling him a bastard.

Most of us would never be able to understand what these specimens are made of.  

In fact I fail to understand as to why that bastard had to do all this. Might as well had just asked for it!.

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NOTE: It may appear that the senti anecdote has been taken from one of those circulating emails which everyone keeps forwarding. It is not.

Rape Seed.

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